Is It Ok To Kiss In A Christian Relationship ?
This post isn’t in any way aimed at judging anyone. Everything you’re about to read was inspired by God’s Spirit and coined from the Bible, research and my personal musings.
This is going to be a fairly lengthy post with a lot of scriptures because the Bible is our reference.
You may not agree with everything you’ll read here due to your mindset, denomination or perspective but it’d be great if you opened up your heart and be flexible enough to let the Holy Spirit minister to you through this post.
The issue of kissing in a Christian relationship is a very touchy and sensitive one but in today’s post, I won’t handle it as such.
So if you’re in a Christian relationship and you and your partner want to honor God as you head towards marriage, you need to read this.
If to you, this shouldn’t even be a topic of discussion because you think it’s perfectly normal to kiss or even have sex in a Christian relationship then I advice you to patiently read on also, you just might learn a thing or two.
If you’re vehemently against posts like this or you’re defensive because you’re already engaged in this act, then I encourage you to read as well because the sin you’re most defensive about is usually the most deadly to your walk with God.
This topic is a volatile one that may want to spread and lead to other things like sex, marriage and so on, but I will try to stay within the boundaries of what we’re talking about today.
I’ve had contemplations about this issue for years now, but God has helped me and brought an end to the tug of war in my mind as and I’ve been able to prayerfully articulate my thoughts, (though not in a very organized form) into this blog post.
I hope you’re blessed, edified and positively transformed as that is the aim of this post.
May the Holy Spirit minister to you as you read.
Titus 1:15 Christian Standard Bible
To the pure, everything is pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; in fact, both their mind and conscience are defiled.
The above scripture, although powerful and well meaning, has been used by many Christian to justify unholy and impure acts.
What is a kiss?
A kiss is the touch or pressing of one’s lips against another person or an object. Cultural connotations of kissing vary widely. Depending on the culture and context, a kiss can express sentiments of love, passion, romance, sexual attraction, sexual activity, sexual arousal, affection, respect, greeting, friendship, peace, and good luck, among many others — Wikipedia
The fact that kisses are a form of greeting should silence the religious shouts of protests that arise in your head every time you hear the word “kiss”.
Also, the word “kiss” is used 46 times in the Bible, in good context, so it can’t be a bad thing.
We have several forms of kisses and they serve different purposes;
- Kisses can be used to show allegiance e.g when Samuel kissed Saul in 1 Sam 10:1.
1 Samuel 10:1 Then Samuel took a vial of oil, and poured it upon his head, and kissed him, and said, Is it not because the LORD hath anointed thee to be captain over his inheritance?
- Kisses can be used to show friendship or love for family e.g Esau’s kiss to Jacob in Gen 33:4.
Genesis 33:4 And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.
Please take note that Jacob’s kiss to Rachel in Gen 29:1 was one of affection and love for family as Rachel was his cousin.
- Finally, we have the amorous kiss (also known as the “French kiss”) which we see in Songs of Solomon 1:2.
Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
This is the kiss we’re talking about.
The Amorous or French Kiss
1 CORINTHIANS 6:18–20
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
The “Amorous” Or “French kiss” is one that is directly linked to sexual activities.
It involves passion and arousal and more often than not, results in raging hormones which may eventually lead to fornication.
We must remember that our God is one that searches the heart and not just our actions. The posture of our hearts mean more to God than what we do, so if you have mastered a level of discipline to ensure that your physical touch with your partner does not lead to sex, but you do every other thing, (kissing, hugging, and even cuddling), with a lustful heart, you have fornicated already.
As simple as a hug seems, it can be sinful.
These are bitter pills, I know, but swallow them.
Unfortunately, many “virgins” in today’s world have fornicated many times without the actual physical penetration. This is one of the reasons, I believe why the World Sexual Purity Day (November 14th) isn’t about virgins but for everyone who has chosen to stay sexually pure for God because the moment you make the decision to become sexually pure and honor God with your body, He cleans your past and you start on a new note.
What’s the point of being in a Christian relationship and claiming to abstain from sex until marriage if you still have “unholy kiss”. You have all forms of unnecessary intimacy with your partner (apart from sex) but in your mind, you tell yourself “I know what I would have done to that sister/brother if not because we’re abstaining from sex for God”.
Brethren, who do we deceive? Remember, God can not be mocked.
Matthew 5:28– But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart
No matter how attached and connected you are, to your partner, if you have not been joined in marriage, God does NOT see you as one.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
These scriptures clearly state that God permits and honors the joining of a man and a woman ONLY when they have become one in marriage.
Of course they will definitely be times when our flesh will do what it does best, try to rule. Don’t feel bad about it, it’s normal.
Unfortunately, religion makes us feel filthy and unholy whenever we feel sexual urges but this is wrong because our sexuality should be celebrated and not despised. God created us that way and it’s for a purpose.
I’ve read of many cases of couples who got married and had issues with their sexual lives because of the prolonged mentality that sex is impure and unholy.
They got to a point where they couldn’t bring themselves to accept sex as God’s design and this could spell doom for a marriage. I chose to point this out so that we can balance this topic.
Read: Is Honeymoon compulsory?
Should we Kiss in our Christian relationship?
Our intimacy with God through worship is synonymous to a kiss. We are the bride of Christ, not His “girlfriend or fiancee” (lol), so there’s no form of intimacy that is not allowed between God and us because we are MARRIED to Him.
Having a deep form of physical intimacy with someone you haven’t been joined in marriage to, is SIN and the Bible tells us to FLEE.
A french kiss between two unmarried is very risky and absolutely unnecessary. Why start something you can not finish?
Romans 8:8– So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
If you’re here with the question “is it a sin if we kiss?”, then you’re looking for the wrong information.
1 Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
Apostle Paul recognizes that some things may not be sins in themselves but they are not necessary. Doing it only shows how much power it has over you.
The question isn’t if it is a sin, the question is if it’s profitable to your walk with God.
Is it expedient? Are you being brought under its subjection?
Imagine if things don’t work out eventually in that relationship and you marry someone else, you would have just been kissing someone else’s husband or wife
In view of these, I encourage Christians who have contemplations concerning kissing in their relationship, to have an understanding that it’s not so much about the kiss as it is about the posture of your heart and your intentions.
Without deceiving ourselves, we all know when the lines have been crossed and an initial harmless hug, cuddle, holding of hands or kiss is no longer sincere and out of a pure heart. You must consciously ensure, you don’t cross the line into lust.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8)
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